Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast
by SireneNomdePlume
Summary: After earning four weeks of detention for doing something particularly naughty in the Astronomy Tower. Harry is determined to do the impossible and make Snape a little less grumpy and awful by setting him up with someone. But when Draco Malfoy voices his suspicion that Snape actually likes Harry himself...what's a boy to do? (Harry is of age and returns to Hogwarts, Snape lives)


**I'm in the process of sharing some of my fanfic from AO3 on here. It's tedious...Harry is of age in this fic! Hope you enjoy PWP crack, bwahaha. This story was recced on the SS/HP Prophet! YAYYYYY**

Harry Potter was a pure and decent young man.

At least that's what he told himself at night before he climbed up to the Astronomy Tower and imagined filthy, deviant things that only someone like (probably, and he hoped) Draco Malfoy or (most likely, and _gross_ ) Bellatrix Lestrange would think up. It wasn't even as if he'd ever acted on anything, not really, and his libido was as healthy as it could be for a boy his age. Maybe healthier, given how he had masturbated in almost every loo on the way to the Gryffindor tower, in the Quidditch changing room, and even the Common Room (when no one was awake, of course). Perhaps he had a thing for exhibitionism. Great, another kink to add to the list.

Harry huffed and continued to reassure himself that he wasn't absolutely barmy as he slid his hand down his pajamas and let his imagination take over.

 _It was another victory for the Gryffindors. Harry caught the snitch right out from under Malfoy's pointy little nose. He wanted to rub that nose right in a patch of dirt, the dirt that Malfoy started kicking up in his tantrum. Suddenly everyone was gone, and it was just Harry and Malfoy, who started puffing up his thin chest and acting all high and mighty, as he always did…_

 _Bam!_

 _Harry toppled into Malfoy, knocking him to the ground. Malfoy hissed and grappled for his wand, and Harry couldn't even remember where his was, except for the other wand stashed in his trousers. In a strange turn of events, Malfoy overpowered him, and they huffed in each other's faces, growling and cursing until Harry shut Malfoy up with a kiss that was more a bite than anything._

 _Malfoy grabbed a handful of Harry's hair and cursed before matching his bite, and soon, they were rolling around and around in the grass and mud like it was the most normal thing to do. Harry moaned as Malfoy shoved his hand down Harry's trousers and grabbed him, and Harry threw his head back-yeah, right there, you stupid git come on-_

"MISTER POTTER!"

Harry's hand snapped back from his cock as if it'd caught on fire. It sure felt that way. The heat that was simmering in his belly was quickly dulled when he realized that it was McGonagall who'd finally caught him in the act.

Harry didn't move.

He was still under his Invisibility Cloak. She couldn't see him, right? How did she know he was there? Was it some sort of cat Animagus instinct? He'd keep quiet and let her pass on through.

Her throat cleared, and Harry looked down at his body in dawning horror as he realized that one part of his anatomy was _not_ hidden by the Cloak. He quickly shoved himself back into his pajamas and trembled in a very un-Gryffindor way as McGonagall tapped her foot.

Once he righted himself, he tentatively inched the Cloak off of his body, not looking the stern woman in the eye.

"Er."

"Quite, Mister Potter. Do you intend to explain-" she waved her arms around like a furious mother hen, "never mind, I don't want to know. You have _four weeks_ worth of detention, young man."

Harry groaned.

"With Professor _Snape._ "

As if things couldn't get any worse. Harry dropped his head into his dirty hands and groaned again, bemoaning his luck.

/

" _So."_

Harry dropped his head on the desk, half hoping it would fall off his neck and crash onto the stone dungeon floor.

"The great and powerful Chosen One still thinks he owns the castle, does he? This is delightful."

 _Yeah, I'll bet._ Harry raised his head to glare at Snape, who sneered back at him with a demented, almost gleeful gleam in his beetle black eyes.

"Not even _beds_ are good enough for the Chosen One," Snape continued, much to Harry's displeasure. His cock gave a treacherous twitch when Snape said beds in that deep, silky voice.

Good God, not here.

"Oh no, such an attention seeking _brat-"_ Snape spat the word out as if it would choke him, "with the whole of the wizarding world at his beck and call, would find the utmost pleasure into engaging in such…"

Harry swallowed.

"...deviant activities."

Harry's heart dropped to the pit of his swirling stomach. Snape may be foul, but that _voice_ could make even the straightest of straight men melt. Harry hastily grabbed an image of Neville changing in the room from the back of his mind to quell whatever it was he was feeling until he remembered Neville had gotten quite hot this past year. Bad idea.

"Yeah, well, at least I know I can get some," Harry muttered under his breath. Well, he could if he wanted to. He just hadn't found the time lately to really-

Snape froze on the spot. _Shite._ He must have heard Harry.

"You-" Snape started, his long, potion-stained finger brandished as he waved it accusingly at Harry, "You will be chopping up three pounds of toad liver. Tonight."

Harry glared.

"And it will be done in two hours. Or..."

"Or what?" Harry snapped and regretted it instantly. Snape's eyes narrowed and he smirked.

"Or I'll inform the Headmaster of your wrongdoings. If he doesn't already know," Snape mused, and Harry felt nauseous. The new headmaster was very strict and uptight. Harry missed Dumbledore a great deal. "I'm sure the whole school knows by now-" Well, no one other than McGonagall knew, but still..."Surely if word gets out, the Prophet would have a field day with this."

"You _wouldn't!"_ Harry cried, and Snape's smirk morphed into a decidedly nasty, oily smile.

"Three pounds, boy. I want it done in two hours."

Snape spun on his heel and sat back down behind his desk, and Harry grumbled and went to the shelf to grab the toads.

Two hours later, Harry wiped his forehead with the back of his wrist. Snape hadn't given him any gloves (typical,) his hands smelled like guts, and disgusting goop was dripping off of his fingers. With a huff, he slammed his knife down and glared up at Snape.

Snape, who was sitting behind his desk, pointedly ignoring his existence. Harry cleared his throat.

After approximately three minutes of silence, Snape slowly lifted his head from the papers he was grading.

"I'm finished," Harry grated out.

Snape stood up and made his way to Harry's desk. He scoffed, and Harry glowered.

"I said _to chop_ them, not decimate them," Snape sneered, as Harry ground his teeth together. "You'll redo it tomorrow."

Harry grabbed his bag and rushed to the door.

"And Potter?"

Harry turned and glared at Snape, who was dangling Harry's wand between two annoyingly delicate fingers.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Harry grumbled obscenities under his breath and stalked over to Snape. He reached for his wand and tried his very best to avoid Snape's fingers, but as he grabbed it, his finger slipped a bit and dragged across Snape's soft skin. A pleasant tingle tickled in his spine and he snatched his wand as fast as he could and ran out of the door, feeling Snape's eyes on him as he left.

/

"Arse-faced...slimy...bastard!"

Harry flung another rock into the lake. Hermione was sitting next to him.

"Harry, how on earth did you earn four weeks of detention in the first place?"

"Being out past curfew," Harry said, and it wasn't exactly a falsehood.

"That was enough to garner _four_ weeks?" Hermione said in disbelief. Harry frowned.

"Er...I was trying to slip into Snape's office," Harry lied. There was no way he was telling Hermione the humiliating truth.

"Harry..." Hermione started and sighed. "I'm happy you decided to return to Hogwarts with me. But you know..."

"Yeah, yeah, bad idea," Harry said. "I was just trying to make a Dreamless Draught." Well, in the past, he _had_ wanted something in the past to help him sleep. Nightmares of the war, seeing those dead bodies...he stayed up to avoid them as much as he could and ended up doing things that got him into pickles.

"Well, detention with Snape again...it can't be pleasant," Hermione replied. Harry nodded. He had thought that after Snape nearly died and had been exonerated of all crimes, given a first-class Order of Merlin, and of course, letting Harry see his memories...it might have made him a bit more tolerable and easy to be around. But Snape was as bitter and awful as ever, and Harry's frown deepened. Why the hell had Snape even come back to Hogwarts? It wasn't as if he liked kids that much, and he didn't have to protect Harry anymore or fulfill any missions for Dumbledore. He was just _there._

Harry snarled and threw another rock into the lake.

Snape was sitting at his desk when Harry stormed into the room. "Good to see you're as punctual as ever, Potter."

Two and a half minutes late. _Two and a half minutes!_ Harry felt like the top of his head would blow off. He hoped it hit Snape right in his huge ugly nose.

"Well, don't just stand there like an idiot," Snape snapped. "Get the toad liver and start chopping."

Harry growled under his breath and grabbed the supplies. He plopped down on the chair and bent his head down to start cutting up toads. Snape was an enigma to him. So...so he was brave. Harry would give him that. And he sacrificed his life to save Harry. And he was definitely capable of love, or else he wouldn't have done those things. For surely Snape wouldn't save Harry just for the sake of saving Harry.

Harry glanced up at Snape, who was studying him silently. Harry blinked and met his eyes, and Snape huffed and looked back down at the papers on his desk, shuffling them around and running his red quill over the top piece of parchment. Harry shook his head and tried to focus on the nasty toad livers.

Snape must be lonely, right? Harry briefly wondered that if he set him up with someone, Snape might be a little more tolerable to be around. Actually, that was a brilliant idea! Honestly, it was the least Harry could do for Snape, for all that he had done. But the question was...who?

And that was how Harry found himself in front of the Slytherin Common Room door two hours later, banging his fist against it.

"Potter." Parkinson's pug face glared through the crack in the door.

"Is Malfoy in there?" Harry asked, grimacing inwardly. "I need to talk to him."

Pansy's eyebrows lifted. "Draco!"

Malfoy emerged and stepped through the door, shutting it in Pansy's face. "Hello, Potter. Having fun at detention?"

"What else do you know?" Harry hissed, counting in his head the many deadly ways he could torture Snape if he told the Slytherins.

Malfoy shook his head, and a horrible smile stretched his features. "Not much of anything, really. Just that you're keeping the old bat company after classes. What fun."

"Actually," Harry said, studying Malfoy's smarmy features and wishing he could get away with wiping that horrible expression off of his face with his tongue, "that's what I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Malfoy's eerie smile widened.

"I want to set Snape up with someone."

Malfoy's smile dropped and he choked. "What?"

"Yeah," Harry said, scuffing his foot on the carpet. "It might make him easier to be around."

"Why on God's green fucking earth are you talking to me about this?" Malfoy screeched, rounding on Harry. "I hope you don't expect _me_ to-besides, I'm not-he-"

"I mean, obviously not you," Harry said, his grimace tightening more at the declaration that Malfoy wasn't gay, but it wasn't as if he was in love with Malfoy or anything of the sort, "you and your father know him well enough, don't you?"

"Only as much as you do," Malfoy scoffed. "I know he gave you memories. What they were, I'll never know, but it wasn't as if he was ever friendly, and he never really talked about himself that much. Or showed interest in anything other than Potions. And the Dark Arts, of course..."

Harry ignored the Dark Arts part. "But...so, you wouldn't know?"

"I don't know anything," Malfoy said, lifting his pointy chin. He dropped it down a bit to leer at Harry. "Though, he does seem quite taken with you. It's kind of obvious. I mean, all of the one-on-one detentions over the years? The biting insults? The smoky glares? Wouldn't you say he's in denial about something? Or maybe he's trying to mask his attraction to you."

Harry's jaw dropped because he would never have thought anything like that. Ever.

"Just a penny for your thoughts," Malfoy said, and flounced toward the door. "That's sexual tension if I've ever seen it before. Tata," and the door slammed behind him, leaving Harry alone in the corridor with his teeming thoughts.

Harry considered barging into Snape's office after hours and demanding that Snape tell him if he was harboring more than a deep seated grudge, and in fact had a fixation with _him_ and not just his eyes. That thought made him shudder a bit, because if Snape really _did_ like him, well, what if it was because of his mum?

Harry liked to think that even _Snape_ wouldn't be that shallow and creepy. Malfoy must have been bluffing and reading into things too much. Or trying to make Harry do something reckless and earn himself a year's worth of detentions.

Harry shook his head and stomped off to the Gryffindor Common Room.

/

Harry clenched his fists on either side. He refused to touch his cock in any sort of way, not after Malfoy's weird revelation. Surely Malfoy was joking, even _he_ implied that he was just speculating. Malfoy was a prick, and Harry knew that he would do anything to make Harry uncomfortable and get him into trouble.

Snape was anything but transparent. The man was complex and had so many different layers that Harry bet if he peeled them, they would make him weep, much like cutting into an onion. Harry closed his eyes tightly, and his right hand jerked. No. Not now, not tonight. Surely he could forego one night without wanking. Not with Snapeish things on his mind.

He resigned himself to the fact that he just couldn't resist, and reached down to grab his erection in a rather aggressive manner. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to shut his mind off. He held onto the usual image of Malfoy, and that flittered away, so he forced his brain to conjure an image of Oliver Wood in the Quidditch changing room. But after a few moments, the Quidditch changing room morphed into a dark and dingy dungeon, and Wood wasn't Wood anymore, but he was packing a bit more _wood_ than he was before. Harry grunted in disgust and moved to pry his fingers off of his cock, but he didn't have the heart to stop.

Alright, if he was going to masturbate to thoughts of Snape...what _was_ Snape hiding underneath those robes? Was he hairy at all or greasy all the way down? He was thin, sure...but how big was his cock? Was he huge? Was he not? Did that ginormous nose mean something else was big, too? Harry huffed and hated himself a little as Snape's voice oozed through his brain. Harry wasn't about to lie and say he wasn't curious in the slightest to find out the truth about Snape and his elusive erection.

Fantasy Snape glared at him and slapped not-real Harry's cock away. Not-real Harry reached down to grab fantasy-Snape's huge hard-on and real-Harry came with a shout, painting his blankets in white goo.

Harry shuddered and pulled the sticky covers over his head. He was doomed.

 **Day One of Mission Extremely Stupid and Incredibly Impossible**

Harry made a new goal. This goal was to find out Snape's true intentions, and Harry had every intent to seduce the truth out of him. But how could he do this without getting his tongue and balls hexed off in the process?

"Professor?"

Snape ignored Harry and continued to read his Potions book. Harry cleared his throat.

"Professor."

Snape slammed the book down on his desk. "What?"

"I, er, I just wanted to say..." Harry drifted off and took a deep breath. He could do this. He was Harry Bloody Potter, the Gryffindoriest of Gryffindors. Snape glared at him. "Er. You're...one of the bravest people I've ever known."

Snape arched his signature single brow and picked the book up without another word. He licked his finger and turned the page.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Harry asked.

"Of course I am, Potter. Stop trying to get out of detention and start scrubbing those cauldrons, or there will be another week for you."

Harry glowered into the cauldron silently. So...Snape was harder to crack than he initially thought. He'd have to up the ante.

 **Day Two**

Harry huffed into his treacle tart and surreptitiously looked over at the staff table. Snape was dabbing his mouth with a napkin and reaching for a goblet. Harry had an inkling of an idea. What if he snuck into Snape's potions cabinet under the pretense of going to take a piss, and grabbed a vial of Veritaserum and spiked his drink?

Surely this plan couldn't fail. Harry chuckled softly into his tart and Hermione glanced his way.

"Harry, are things going well in detention?"

Harry broke his no-longer-secretive gaze away from Snape to look at Hermione. "What?"

Hermione leaned in closer. "You seem to be staring a lot at Snape. Many times, in fact."

Harry choked. "'Course, everything's fine," he mumbled, and took a bite of the tart, trying his best not to look up at Snape again.

After classes were through, Harry took a deep, shaky breath and headed to Snape's classroom, where he was talking down to an innocent third year Hufflepuff.

"And if you had half a brain, you would know to _not_ put the heat on high for the Draught of Peace, and tend to it so it doesn't...turn out...like _this._ " Snape waved his hand around the room, and Harry sighed through his nose. The potion had exploded everywhere, it looked like, and Harry knew that he would be the one to clean it up. "Get out of my sight," Snape snapped, and the girl took off in a run, bumping into Harry in the process.

"Er..." Harry started and Snape glared at him.

"I think you know what to do, Potter," he snarled. Snape retreated back to his desk and rubbed his temples. Harry groaned.

"Wandless?"

Snape smirked. "Wandless."

Harry glared and grabbed a scrub brush from one of the shelves.

After an hour of this, Harry really _did_ need to take a leak, and he professed this desire to Snape. "Sir, I really need to..." He stood up and danced a little.

"You're not leaving until this entire room is sparkling, Potter," Snape said, and turned to another essay, marking it in red.

"But-"

 _"Sparkling,_ Potter."

Harry huffed and muttered choice words under his breath, praying that Snape couldn't hear him. How the hell could this dank dungeon ever sparkle? He squeezed his legs together and bent down to scrub the floor. Draco Malfoy was a delusional liar. There was no way that Snape was doe-eyed over him. He snuck a glance at the man in question, who sipped from his goblet and set it down to blot at more essays. Harry shook his head. So much for the Veritaserum idea. He'd have to try tomorrow.

 **Day Three**

Harry was losing his mind. Either Snape really hated him, and had no clue what Harry was up to, or he was playing hard to get. Harry shook his head and crushed the beetles with a pestle, trying his best to not look up at Snape, who in turn seemed to be trying his best to ignore Harry.

Harry swallowed. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, after all. Maybe he should just forget this and move on. But Harry just _had_ to know if there was any truth to Malfoy's suspicions.

"Sir?"

Snape said nothing, and Harry glanced up to stare at him.

"Well, er. I was actually wondering something."

Silence. Harry huffed out a breath.

"Your Patronus."

Harry swallowed. Snape's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes but said nothing.

"So, er, well, it's a doe, right? Well..." Shite, could Harry really do this? Could he really insinuate anything this way? He took in another deep breath. "Well, mine's a stag."

Snape's eyes were slits. He slammed the book he was reading down. "What of it?" he seethed, his lips trembling over his crooked teeth. Harry gulped. This was an extremely bad idea.

"Well, you know, my dad's...Mum's...you know..."

Snape grabbed his heavy book and threw it. It hit the wall behind Harry with a smack. "Get out," Snape hissed.

"Look, I'm sorry..."

"Out!" Snape screamed, pointing to the door. Harry grabbed his bag and wand and made his way to the door, but not before Snape vaulted up and grabbed Harry by the shirt.

"I don't know what you're playing at, _Potter,"_ Snape spat, "but I'll find out. And when I do..."

He let go of Harry, who stumbled and ran out the door.

Bad. Idea.

 **Day Four**

Harry tossed his wand from hand to hand, musing of ways he could weasel something out of Snape. He didn't even care if he ever found out if Snape fancied him. It was clear that he didn't. But Harry could barely get any sleep because he just _had_ to know what Snape was hiding under those robes.

Harry's eyes lit up on one of Romilda Vane's not-so-hidden pornish magazines. He flipped through the pages, where naked men on brooms were winking at him. He flipped another page to see one bending over a cauldron. Completely nude. Harry grinned. This should stir something in Snape, if Snape was so inclined. Looking around the common room to make sure no one was watching him, he snuck the magazine into his bag with a snicker and made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Snape wasn't at the staff table, and Harry glanced around the room. He was nowhere in sight. Harry sighed and sat next to Hermione, glancing down to make sure the magazine was hidden away in his bag.

"Well, Harry? How are your classes going?"

"Alright, I guess," Harry muttered, playing with his fork. "I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

Hermione peered at him silently, then nodded. "That's understandable." She bit into her toast. Harry glanced at the staff table again and wondered just how angry Snape really was.

Classes had never taken so long before. And Potions was the very last class of the day. Harry's heart hammered in his chest as he snuck into the room, walking past the desk and sitting down next to Hermione, who patted his shoulder.

Snape stalked into the classroom, his robes billowing behind him. Harry ducked his head down and opened his book.

"Page four-hundred and ten," Snape hissed, and Harry flipped to the page, his fingers shaking slightly. Harry glanced up to see Snape wander through the room. He glanced at Harry briefly, and his fingers flexed as if he wanted to wrap them around Harry's throat.

Harry sighed and looked down at his book.

Potions had never taken that long before. Snape was at the front of the classroom, but Harry could almost feel him breathing down his neck just the same. Harry shuddered and closed his book as everyone else filtered out of the room.

"Potter!" Snape barked, and Harry froze.

"Er..."

"Detention starts. Now."

"But it's..."

"It's Friday, and I'm a busy man," Snape drawled, and flicked his wand at the door, leaving Snape and Harry together. And alone. Harry gulped.

"Today I want you to dice the leeches," and Snape smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. Harry nodded, and Snape added, "They are particularly...slimy today."

Harry glared at the floor and grabbed the leeches. Snape was right, and Harry shuddered. He slammed the jars on the table and grabbed a knife to start dicing. Harry glanced down at his bag. How should he do this? He decided he would wait until the detention was over to "accidentally" spill his bag in front of Snape's desk.

Harry squished his knife on the first leech. "Don't crush them," Snape snapped from behind him. Very close behind him. Harry jumped and crushed the leech anyway in the process. Just _when_ did Snape saunter behind Harry?

"Like _this,_ you idiot boy," and Snape grabbed the knife from Harry's hand and cut into the leech, the motion fluid and precise. Harry trembled. He could feel Snape's body heat radiate from such a close range, and Harry almost had to bite back a moan.

Snape moved away from him and marched back to his desk, ruffling through parchment again. Harry bit his bottom lip and concentrated on the leeches.

The two hours passed by quickly, and Harry almost wished that they hadn't. But Snape hadn't said much of anything, and Harry was beginning to wonder if this was a fruitless endeavor. Harry walked as slowly as he could past Snape's desk, and purposely bumped into the corner, dropping his bag and letting the contents fly out.

"Sorry, I'm sorry!" Harry said, and shuffled through his belongings, sliding the magazine as subtly as he could to Snape.

Snape's quill stopped scratching, and Harry glanced up to see his black eyes widen. Harry grinned inwardly and scooted his hand closer to grab the magazine, brushing Snape's boot in the process.

Snape said nothing, and the quill started scratching again. Harry stood up and brushed his hair off of his forehead. "Sorry about that, Professor," Harry said, but that was a complete lie. Harry wasn't sorry at all, and he could barely hold back his gleeful grin.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for carrying pornography to class," Snape said silkily, and Harry's slight grin dropped.

"That's not fair!"

Snape turned his head to stare at Harry. "Isn't it? Another five points," Snape answered, and bent his head down once more.

Harry snatched the magazine up with a huff and stormed out of the room.

 **Day Five**

Harry was giving up. This whole plan was pointless. Snape despised him, Harry was getting nowhere, and Malfoy was smirking at him from the Slytherin table. Harry ground his teeth.

"Alright there, Harry?" Hermione squeezed his shoulder. Harry nodded and glanced over at the staff table.

The staff table, where Snape was glaring at him pointedly.

"What did you do?" Hermione asked, glancing over at Snape. "He doesn't look very pleased. To say the least."

"Nothing," Harry mumbled. "It's nothing. He's just a git." Harry ripped his toast in half and stuffed a piece in his mouth.

It was Saturday, which meant no detention with Snape. Harry sighed. He could go to Snape's office anyway and confront him. Harry considered this for a brief moment but thought better of it. He could still feel the heat of Snape's glare.

"I'm going out," Harry announced and stood up. His utensils clattered as he made his way out of the Great Hall and outside to the lake.

Harry stared at the water silently and picked at the grass. He didn't want to give up, but Snape gave him no other choice. Harry resigned himself to the fact that Snape...really just hated him, and Malfoy was wrong. It was a pity, because Harry really wanted to satisfy his curiosity and see what Snape looked like naked.

Harry shook his head and headed back inside. Mission Extremely Stupid and Incredibly Impossible was over for good.

 **Day Six**

Harry sighed and sifted through the spider eyes. "What am I supposed to do with these again?"

Snape cleared his throat. "Crush them," he said, and Harry grabbed his mortar and pestle to start crushing.

"So..." Snape said, his voice like soft velveteen. Harry gulped. "So."

Harry ignored him and continued to crush the spider eyes.

"I haven't the faintest clue why you are trying to garner my attention," Snape said softly, and Harry's whole body flushed. "But you should stop."

"Why?" Harry asked, and cursed himself for the slip. "I mean...what do you mean?"

He glanced up to catch Snape narrow his eyes. "So it's true," the man said. "You _are_ trying to get my attention." He steepled his fingers together and stared at Harry. "Well, go on, then. You have my utmost attention now."

Harry spluttered. "I...er...you see..."

Snape smirked and Harry glared in turn. "I don't know!" Harry threw his hands up, dropping the pestle. "I'll leave you alone, alright?" Harry drew in a deep breath, and muttered, "Sorry for being an inconvenience."

"Why?" Snape hissed. Harry blushed, and Snape stared at him as his black eyes widened. "You..."

Harry decided, in a brief, reckless moment, that he really had nothing left to lose. He jumped up from the table, rushed to Snape, and pecked a kiss on his smooth cheek. Harry almost crowed; he could feel Snape's jaw drop against his lips.

There was a moment of silence, and Harry stepped back to observe Snape, who was staring straight ahead of him, not looking at Harry at all. That didn't last very long; in one movement Snape turned to Harry, grabbed his tie, and dragged him down so that he straddled Snape's lap.

Harry jerked against Snape as he surged into him, kissing Harry so brutally that he was sure his lips would be completely bruised by tomorrow. He bit down on Harry's bottom lip _hard,_ and Harry cried out and opened his mouth. Snape shoved his tongue in, and Harry slid his own tongue to dance against Snape's.

Harry could feel Snape's interest poke him and he almost squealed in delight. Snape's hard-on was _massive,_ and Harry couldn't wait to try and cram it in his mouth.

Harry broke away with a pant after sucking on Snape's tongue. Snape pushed him away, and Harry felt more than a little disappointed. That didn't last very long, because Snape stood up, grabbed Harry's shirt, and slammed him none too gently into the stone wall. He bit down on the side of Harry's neck with crooked teeth, and Harry moaned as Snape licked over and sucked at the bite he had just made.

"Wait!" Harry said as Snape tugged at Harry's trousers. Snape glared into his eyes.

"Have you never done this before? I apologize that I find this hard to believe."

Harry sighed. "Only twice," he said. "But...do you only want to do this because of my eyes?"

Snape's nostrils flared, and he pulled at Harry's trousers again. "You're a fool," Snape snapped, and tugged Harry's clothes off.

Soon Harry was naked, but Snape was still fully clothed. Harry tugged at his robes but Snape slapped his hand away. "But I want to suck you!" Harry cried, and Snape let out a snort.

"You don't need my robes off to do _that,"_ Snape declared, and opened said robes and trousers to reveal a cock that rivaled even Harry's fantasies. Harry drooled and dropped down on his knees to worship it.

Snape's scent was musky and intoxicating. Harry breathed against the dark patch of pubic hair and rubbed his cheek against Snape's cock. He marveled its beauty for a good minute or so until Snape grabbed his hair and directed his mouth over his cock.

"You had said you wanted to suck," Snape said in that deep, velvet voice, as Harry shivered. "So suck."

"Mhmm," Harry agreed, and opened his mouth. Snape thankfully tasted like clean skin, and the hard shaft was like steel encased in a silk wrapper. Harry wiped his tongue over the slit and licked up the bead of moisture that formed there. He took a deep breath and lowered his head down on Snape, building a rhythm that picked up until Harry was moving his head and wiggling his tongue at a rapid pace, his lips going numb and tingly. More slick heat dripped down from the head of Snape's cock, and Harry moved his head up to swallow it down, but Snape pulled Harry off of him instead.

"Hey!" Harry exclaimed, but Snape dragged Harry up and shoved his front against the wall. Snape tapped his wand on Harry's crack, and suddenly he felt slick and warm. Harry moaned and wriggled against him, already feeling the hot tingle of arousal build up in his gut.

Snape shoved a finger into Harry, who squeaked and mewled as Snape crooked his fingers to rub up against Harry's prostate. Harry bumped back as Snape pulled out to scissor another finger inside of him and twist it at just the right angle.

Once he was deemed sufficiently prepared, Snape removed his fingers, and Harry tried to crane his head back to look at Snape as he was moving to spear him in half with that gigantic cock. Snape snapped his hips forward and the head of his cock popped into Harry, who tried to claw up the dungeon wall.

"Insufferable...brat..." Snape grunted, and Harry closed his eyes with a gasp as Snape crammed himself deeper.

"Slimy...bastard..." Harry groaned, and Snape drew out of him almost all of the way before spearing him again in a rough thrust. Harry tossed his head back and moaned. "I...I hope you...uhnn...warded the door."

"I'm not-ah...not an idiot, Potter."

"N-no," Harry agreed, as heat rose inside of him so fiercely he almost felt as if he would choke on it. They rocked back and forth for awhile at a furious pace until Snape started thrusting deeper and harder and faster, and Harry couldn't take it anymore.

"Close," Harry choked out, and Snape reached around to pump his cock. Harry screamed into the wall as the heat turned sharp and overwhelming and he came with a shout. He splattered the wall and probably himself in a wonderful, disastrous orgasm that had his head spinning and made his own little world crash around him in spectacular pieces. Snape bit down on Harry's neck and jerked his hips, filling Harry to the brim with searing, wet heat.

They panted together; Harry's head and body were crushed against the wall as Snape rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Wow," Harry breathed and Snape pulled out of him with a squelching pop. Harry could feel come dribble out of him and trickle down his thighs, but it wasn't anything a simple Scourgify couldn't handle.

'Indeed," Snape purred, and Harry watched as he flicked his wand. Harry was clean once more, and Snape's thighs weren't quite as shiny and sticky looking. Snape pulled himself together and tucked himself back into his robes with a sigh, and Harry moved to reach down and grab his clothes.

"Huh," Harry said to himself, but Snape heard him and arched a single brow. "Well...it's just...well, Malfoy told me you liked me, and I wanted to know if it was true."

"Malfoy knows nothing," Snape snapped, "the annoying little..."

"Thought you liked Malfoy well enough," Harry said, and Snape glared at him, and ignored the statement.

"I must admit, you're not without..." Snape stopped, before he spat out, "Your _charms."_

Harry grinned widely. "Sure," he replied. "I hope it's not because of..."

Snape's glare intensified and he bristled.

"I mean...come on, you know..."

"It wasn't quite like that," Snape mumbled. "She was my friend, nothing more. And I would have died for her."

"You did," Harry pointed out. "Well, almost at least."

Snape softened and he studied Harry before saying, "I died for _you."_

Harry didn't know what to say, so he nodded dumbly. Snape moved behind his desk and grabbed his favorite red quill.

"You should go," Snape said. "Detention is tomorrow, the usual time."

Harry nodded and left the room, glancing back at Snape, who was marking homework silently. Harry grinned to himself. Now that he had many things to consider and ponder, he also didn't feel weird wanking to images of Snape and his strange allure. Or whatever it was. Harry sat in the common room and smiled to himself as he pulled out his parchment to start his homework. He suddenly didn't mind that he had three more weeks of detention with Snape.


End file.
